am writing, Lifestyle, Ramblings, Soul Stuff

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Happy Sunday, erbody!

In case you were wondering how my flower pot turned out from my visit to The Color Cafe, here you have it!

I don’t have much to share today except for these beautiful words. Remember to stay present in the moment:

Thanks for popping in! Have a beautiful week😘

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am writing, Interests, my adventures, Ramblings, Series, Soul Stuff

34 Lessons in 34 Years – Part 3

Happy Saturday, dear readers!

We’ve hit the halfway mark for this series which means my birthday is 3 weeks away! I’m a Gemini and every year without fail, I get excited for the day of my birth! I think it’s a Gemini thing because I’ve been watching a few of my fellow Geminis count down to their big days! We always expect something so exciting even though often nothing really riveting ends up happening! Maybe one day! Anyway, the 34 lessons continue! Enjoy!

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Accept the good

There are so many heartbreaking things happening in the world, in big ways, and in small ways. Someone out there is crying over a man who has broken her heart while another, in the same world, is grieving the loss of a loved one. It is said that the bad that we experience help us to enjoy the good that comes before, during and after the bad. I’ve learned, especially over the past year, to see and accept the goodness in every bad situation. An ended relationship could open you up to a better one in the future or maybe you will be happiest without that person. A loss of a loved one could be the end of their suffering. It is always good in every bad situation. You may need to search extra hard for that reason sometimes, but believe me, there is always something good!

Sleep is important

Remember back when we could go out until 3 am and be up for classes at 7 am? I miss those days, but they are gone! In order for me to be fully functional at work during the week, I’ve had to put extra emphasis on the amount of sleep I get every night! Most of the self-help tips I look for lately are on how to sleep better! I am a much less grumpy person during the day if I am well rested!

Surround yourself with people who love you

I spent a lot of my 20s trying to please people and convincing myself that the encounters I had were all meaningful. Sometimes you will meet people one time, connect with them and never see them again. Sometimes people will be in your life for an extended period of time before you float away from each other. It happens. People come and go and the only thing you can do is let them and hope that the ones who truly treasure you and are truly meant for you will stay just a little bit longer…

Piece of mind trumps everything

My mom says she left my dad over 30 years ago for her own peace of mind and I never understood it until recently. It doesn’t matter what you think your life lacks. To be honest, I won’t die without a life partner or more money in my bank account, but the absence of peace has taken away the joy of the very breath that goes in and comes out of my lungs! And so that is what I strive for now. I try to take away everything in my life that hinders that peace and ability to, at the very least, function from day to day.

It’s OK to say no

I’ve spent a great deal of my life being agreeable, and more often than not, I end up regretting my decision afterward or being hurt in the process of pleasing others. I literally feel guilty the minute I say no to an offer or request and want to make it right by explaining it. No more. There is nothing wrong with putting your needs first sometimes.

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Stay in your lane

I can remember the saddest days of my life being those days when I compared myself to other people. I catch myself wondering when my wedding day will be as I watch my friend’s exchange vows, I wonder how my wealthier friends get their finances right, sometimes I wish I was like my colleague who loves being single and while she would like to have a partner, she is perfectly happy on her own. If only I could be like them: happy and content! But I can be so, as long as I focus on my own life and try not to mimic those around me so much! I want to see my own simple life as beautiful too!

Well that’s all from me! Have an awesome weekend! Thanks for popping in😘

Activities, am writing, Interests, Lifestyle, Teacher Problems

Believe

Happy Wednesday Erbody!

Yesterday was our first netball game of the season! This is the first year since I started coaching that I actually dreaded the season ahead, though. Preseason was awful, nothing was going right with the players or the practises. On most days I was low in energy and often thought I taught nothing after a practice session. I struggled to maintain my passion for it this year and as a result, I just wasn’t giving it my best at all.

I’ve always believed that coaching any sport is a fulltime job and one cannot do it well along with teaching on top of your load. I’ve always felt I was not doing enough and I felt even more so this year.

So I stood there in the moments before the game, my netball girls standing around me. “Guys, I just want your best today. If you give me your best, I will be happy no matter what the outcome.” I meant what I said, but part of me was preparing for a dismal loss, to be honest!

One of my shooters is a Nervous Nancy: she’s very quick to doubt herself and I’ve often said in frustration, “Just fake it! Pretend to take the shot and go for the rebound!” She hardly ever tried that before, until yesterday! There she was, eyes on the hoop and I caught her hesitantly sneaking a look to the side for assistance. “Fake it,” I blurt out. My girl took a chance, faked it and made the shot – and every shot that followed after that!! We won the game because she finally believed what I had been saying to her for 2 years!

I found this video on my Twitter timeline and it hit me again! Coaching a sport is so tough! Believing in a team when at times they don’t even believe in themselves is heart-wrenching. But that moment they believe you and take a step and succeed is glorious and so beautiful! I was reminded today of how much I love this aspect of what I do!

So I guess we should never stop believing: in love, in hope, in victory, in anything, because a moment will come when that belief finally comes to life! I really needed that win yesterday to remind me and to spark my own hope.

Thank you for dropping by! Have a beautiful week ahead😘

am writing, Interests, Ramblings

What’s in a Name?

Happy Sunday erbody! I hope you’re ready to the week ahead!

While Juliet really only said this to justify being with her enemy, from an African perspective, your name says a great deal about who you.

One of my students who is in her first year in university has started her own blog! Check out her blog Temwanii’s Space. This particular post got me thinking about names.

I believe that our names, especially African names, tell a story about how we came about and speaks into the hopes our parents have for our futures.

My name is Noloyiso. It is Xhosa and it means Victorious. My parents already had 2 sons and wanted to have a girl and I waltzed in! I find it interesting how people’s names suit their personality. It’s like their names are destined for them. I myself try to live a life that is victorious, well, the parts of my life I have some control over.

So what does your name mean and what’s the story behind it? Do you think you live up to your name, or do you wish you had another name? I’d love to hear from you!

Thank you so much for popping in! I hope you have an awesome week ahead! The netball season is upon me so this week is going to be somewhat crazy for me! Wish me and my team luck!

am writing, Interests, Series, Soul Stuff

34 Lessons I learned in 34 years – Part 2

Hey Everyone! the Birthdays Series continues! enjoy the 2nd of 6 installments!

Consistency is everything

The fastest way to my heart is through consistency! It is truly the one gesture that makes me feel secure. I like not having to question or doubt any situation and know that it’s going to work out a certain way. Now, when dealing with human beings, this does not always work out – I’ll get to that in my next lesson- so I am so grateful that there are certain aspects of my life that I myself can be consistent in: how often I post blogs; my gym life, parkrun and church to mention but a few. It is the only way to keep me secure and assured in myself, especially if everything else in my life is going wrong.

You can do everything right and it still won’t go your way

This is a lesson I am working through at the moment. Often when things don’t go our way, we are quick to look at all the ways we behaved badly or all the wrong decisions we made that resulted in things going wrong. But if you’re going to survive adulthood, you need to accept that sometimes you can do all the right things, wait the right amount of time, let go when you are suppose to, hold on tightly when you are suppose to and it will still not go the way you want it to. That is just the way the cookie crumbles.

Time inevitably heals all

Even in the worst abyss that life will throw you into, never let go of this lesson! Sometimes it seems as though you will never get through what you are going through, but all you need is time. You may never get an explanation for why things happened the way they did, but you will heal and you will look back in pleasant surprise at what you survived and it won’t hurt as badly in retrospect. Trust me! Bite down, cry or scream if you have to, but a day will come when you wake up and realize you have truly moved past whatever happened.

Be kind to yourself

Listen, you deserve everything good in this world, do you hear me?! Whether the world hands you what you deserve or not, give something good to yourself! Rest when you are tired, eat that chocolate, take yourself out, treat yourself with the love you wish you could get from those around you and always remember: you are doing the best that you can. As long as you don’t stay in that space and develop a bad habit, it’s really OK to do so. Don’t be so hard on yourself!

Rock bottom is where you choose it to be

People always talk about hitting rock bottom. But I’ve come to learn that it can always, always get worse than it is in that moment of difficulty. Rock bottom is really the point when you decide to pick yourself back up. It’s really up to you where the bottom is.

Love is weird

When I was a Dawson’s Creek obsessed teenager, I was convinced that love is simple. I always believed that by virtue of loving someone, you deserved to have them. Boy, was I wrong! you cannot choose who you love! Sometimes you choose whom to love and sometimes it is involuntary. Sometimes it just clicks and someone is just right for you and sometimes you fall for someone that is all kinds of wrong for you! Guys, love is weird!

So that’s it for today! I hope you are having a good weekend! I’ve really littered your inbox this week, but I hope you’ve enjoyed it! We’ll chat tomorrow😊

am writing, Guest Blogging, Soul Stuff

Anonymous: Black and Queer

Surprise! You thought I forgot about this series, didn’t you?! Do not fear. Anonymous is still going strong until the end of this year! Do you ever wish you could say something out loud on social media? Have you ever felt you couldn’t share what you want without fear of judgment? Well, if you answered yes to any of these questions, drop me an email and I will post it anonymously on this here blog! without further ado, here is today’s anonymous post. Enjoy!

Being queer in a black community and being raised in a very Christian home has been one of the most difficult identities one can have. I discovered my sexuality as early as 11/12 years old when I first saw my ‘crush’ at church. She was an older “butch” (masculine-looking lesbian) woman. I admired her style, her walk, the way she spoke…everything about her, to the extent that I would opt to sit behind her at church, Wishing that she would notice me or greet me, but every time she looked behind her, I would shyly look down. It developed into a feeling I couldn’t explain.

Growing up in a township where one would rarely see a queer person made it hard for me to express who I was because I didn’t know what it was supposed to look like. I felt the pressure of dating a boy because I wanted to ‘hide’ these strange feelings I was having for girls. So yes, I had my first boyfriend when I was 13. I was so afraid of him! Every time I spotted him I would run away because I had no feelings for him. My first kiss was at 16 from the same guy I played hide and seek with. I tried convincing myself that it was the best until that same year I met my first girlfriend. I had never felt so alive! I still had to hide my identity under the banner of having a new ‘BOYfriend’.

All my friends believed I loved boys because my new love was a ‘boy’ who didn’t have a name, picture or a voice. No one knew how ‘he’ looked or sounded. All they knew was that I was in love. She was older than me and I had never felt so loved by someone who is not family. Sadly, I couldn’t meet her in public or call her while I was with people because the truth would come out. I feared what people would say. Feared that I might tell someone and they would tell my mom. I feared my mother so much because she is a Christian and is still skeptical about homosexuals.

When I finally got the courage to tell my sister, she wasn’t really surprised; I think she knew even before I told her because, sisters, am I right?! Telling my mother was still not an option. I would passively act like I liked homosexual couples on TV and my mom would be very clearly against those same couples. I knew I could never tell her the truth.

I started not caring who saw me when I was in grade 12; that was my rebellious stage. I would walk hand in hand with my girlfriend in town. That is when I started hating being queer. The insults, the nasty comments, the ugly stares all made me so uncomfortable. One day I was seen by one of my teachers who called me out of class and told me how disgusting what I was doing was and that it was not natural, it was disgusting and dirty. Despite this, I opened up to some of my friends after 2 years and a few months in my relationship. They accepted me for who I was, and for that, I am grateful. It was difficult sometimes but you have to take the good in with the bad.

I often get asked why gays and lesbians choose to date the same sex… it isn’t about choosing. If I could, I’d choose to be straight. It would be so much easier! I never chose to love women. It wasn’t because I was sexually violated or any other reason. I was born this way. This is who I am…

Thank you for popping in! The Birthday Series continues tomorrow so get ready! Have an awesome weekend😘

am writing, Lifestyle, Ramblings

Reader Appreciation

Happy Wednesday, erbody and to my South African readers, I hope you voted today! It’s the one day where we have a say in what happens in our country!

Sometimes, when I write, I feel like no one is reading, relating or engaging with my content, but recently I’ve been receiving unsolicited appreciation for the content. I’m so grateful for the comments, likes and even those of you that read and appreciate what I have been doing silently. I see you and appreciate you too!

I’d like to take today to express my gratitude for being such avid readers of my blog! I’ve really appreciated the feedback I have been receiving recently.

So if I am talking about you, this👇 certificate belongs to you! Thank you for all the love and welcome to you if you are new!

Thank you for popping in! I have a couple of surprises coming this week so you will be seeing a lot of me! Have a beautiful week😘