Activities, Guest Blogging, Interests, Series, Uncategorized

Reflections: Friendship

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Friendships can be a fickle thing. As humans, we thrive on social connections. Unfortunately, not all friendships are as strong as we’d hope them to be. Some of us spend years cultivating that special bond we should share with our friends. Others meet on a whim and become lifelong buddies. I often find myself feeling like that friend you only talk to when you need something, as painful as it is to admit. I spend so much time giving and being there for my “friends” and more often than not, that’s all I am. I grew up in a semi large family, most of which I do not know and those I do know, saying that we aren’t that close. As a result, I tend to treat my friends like family yet I always find myself asking if this person is really in it for the love of friendship, or for what they stand to gain from having me as a friend.

I am not a confrontational being which often means when problems arise in said friendship; I usually don’t address it, this often leaves me feeling taken advantage of and or resentful that I don’t speak up more.

In the 21st century, loyalty is rare and good friendships even more so. As such, I always ask myself what we even know about the meaning of real friendship! And how does one break the barrier of continuously choosing the wrong friends, when no is really interested in keeping that bond sacred?

Tamiqua Martin is fresh outa high school! She loves photography, writing, reading and psychology. She’s an easy going adventurer whose world is her oyster!

am writing, Guest Blogging, Soul Stuff

Anonymous: Black and Queer

Surprise! You thought I forgot about this series, didn’t you?! Do not fear. Anonymous is still going strong until the end of this year! Do you ever wish you could say something out loud on social media? Have you ever felt you couldn’t share what you want without fear of judgment? Well, if you answered yes to any of these questions, drop me an email and I will post it anonymously on this here blog! without further ado, here is today’s anonymous post. Enjoy!

Being queer in a black community and being raised in a very Christian home has been one of the most difficult identities one can have. I discovered my sexuality as early as 11/12 years old when I first saw my ‘crush’ at church. She was an older “butch” (masculine-looking lesbian) woman. I admired her style, her walk, the way she spoke…everything about her, to the extent that I would opt to sit behind her at church, Wishing that she would notice me or greet me, but every time she looked behind her, I would shyly look down. It developed into a feeling I couldn’t explain.

Growing up in a township where one would rarely see a queer person made it hard for me to express who I was because I didn’t know what it was supposed to look like. I felt the pressure of dating a boy because I wanted to ‘hide’ these strange feelings I was having for girls. So yes, I had my first boyfriend when I was 13. I was so afraid of him! Every time I spotted him I would run away because I had no feelings for him. My first kiss was at 16 from the same guy I played hide and seek with. I tried convincing myself that it was the best until that same year I met my first girlfriend. I had never felt so alive! I still had to hide my identity under the banner of having a new ‘BOYfriend’.

All my friends believed I loved boys because my new love was a ‘boy’ who didn’t have a name, picture or a voice. No one knew how ‘he’ looked or sounded. All they knew was that I was in love. She was older than me and I had never felt so loved by someone who is not family. Sadly, I couldn’t meet her in public or call her while I was with people because the truth would come out. I feared what people would say. Feared that I might tell someone and they would tell my mom. I feared my mother so much because she is a Christian and is still skeptical about homosexuals.

When I finally got the courage to tell my sister, she wasn’t really surprised; I think she knew even before I told her because, sisters, am I right?! Telling my mother was still not an option. I would passively act like I liked homosexual couples on TV and my mom would be very clearly against those same couples. I knew I could never tell her the truth.

I started not caring who saw me when I was in grade 12; that was my rebellious stage. I would walk hand in hand with my girlfriend in town. That is when I started hating being queer. The insults, the nasty comments, the ugly stares all made me so uncomfortable. One day I was seen by one of my teachers who called me out of class and told me how disgusting what I was doing was and that it was not natural, it was disgusting and dirty. Despite this, I opened up to some of my friends after 2 years and a few months in my relationship. They accepted me for who I was, and for that, I am grateful. It was difficult sometimes but you have to take the good in with the bad.

I often get asked why gays and lesbians choose to date the same sex… it isn’t about choosing. If I could, I’d choose to be straight. It would be so much easier! I never chose to love women. It wasn’t because I was sexually violated or any other reason. I was born this way. This is who I am…

Thank you for popping in! The Birthday Series continues tomorrow so get ready! Have an awesome weekend😘

Guest Blogging, my adventures, Ramblings, Series

Surprise: 3 Tips for Hosting a Dinner Party

Hey, Erbody!

I’m so excited about this month’s surprise post! I love collaborating with my friends! They give some of the best ideas for content!

I’m sure I shared with you before that the Eat Out Village decided to start doing Dine Ins just to mix things up! Well, Wednesday night was officially the first dine in. I thought I would share with you Kelly’s (my host) 3 tips for hosting a successful dinner party.

Plan your meal ahead of the time

You need to be sure of your guests dietary preferences. You don’t want to make a meat-based meal for guests that are vegetarian or are allergic to something you made! Did anyone say, recipe for disaster?!

Always Over Cater

If you’re catering for 9 people, for example, then cook for 12. You dont know what people’s portions sizes are and you don’t want your guests to go hungry!

Don’t place too much emphasis on formalities

You want your guests to be relaxed when they come to visit you. It’s ok to set the table but if people want to sit on the couch for dinner then let it be. The less prescriptive you are, the less stressful it will be for you. Also, read the room. No one needs to eat at a specific time. Let your guests relax and enjoy the vibe!

So those were Kellys quick and easy tips for a successful hosted done-in Needless to say, it was a huge success! Kelly did an amazing job and we all had a great time! Thanks, Kells!

Thank you so much for dropping by! Have a great weekend!

am writing, Guest Blogging, Love & War, Prose, Ramblings, Series, Soul Stuff

Anonymous: An Open Letter

Suprise! Yes, I’m still on a quest for bloggers interested in writing something anonymously on this here blog of mine! If you’re interested, drop me a mail on:

noloyiso.l@gmail.com

Enjoy this month’s post!

Dear life

It is me, a Liver. It has been 20 something odd years on this journey together and the experiences are a ton and a half. I could write a book but words alone are not fully capable of expressing the depth and extent of what I have witnessed in this journey with you.

Through it all, I have learnt to become a survivor. I am not easily discouraged even in the bleakest of situations. I have stared depression, stress and anxiety in the eye but I am still standing. I have had the angel of death visiting a couple of times taking with it my loved ones, but my faith has remained unshakeable. I have lost friends who promised me infinity and beyond but here I am; the curve that accentuates my smile has never diminished. I have had my heart broken several times, but my belief in love has never faded.

Through these ups and downs, I have learnt to be grateful, I have also learnt that I was made to last and that what is in me is bigger than these stumbling blocks. I have learnt to tell my story the best way I know and don’t know how but it is a story of strength. Dear life, as we continue on this journey together, I look forward to all that you will throw my way.

Warmest Regards
Lifer

Well, I’ll see you on Sunday, my friendlies!😘

Guest Blogging, Ramblings, Series

Reflections: Keep Writing

Hey Everyone! How was Christmas?! Mine was a huge success! I love my family!

So due to unforseeable circumstances, my last guest blogger couldn’t make it today. I was going to just leave the whole thing but then I realised that it would be quite fitting to end off the series with my own reflection on my own blog 🤔

I’m swimming between 2 places at the moment. On the one hand, I’m so humbled by the contribution made by my guests this month. I often feel like I’m talking to myself here and it has been amazing to hear what people had to say about my posts that had a real impact on them. Thanks again, gentlemen!

On the other hand, I’ve had the privellege of featuring in a number of bloggers’ blogs this year. To be deemed worthy in that manner is the biggest compliment!

Please check out my latest feature here👇

Raging

Thank you so much for popping in today! I’ll see you on Sunday😘

am writing, Guest Blogging, my adventures, Ramblings

Visitors

Happy Sunday Everyone!

I hope you’ve had an awesome week!!

So I had my post all typed up and almost ready to publish and this morning I woke up to the nicest suprise!

My friend, Becoming the Muse, aggreed to guest post on my blog (you can catch him this Wednesday on Reflections) and he asked me to guest post on his! So I wrote up a post and sent it to him and completetely forgot about it!

Last night, he finally put it up 😊 It’s a strange feeling hearing your very own voice but on another blog!! And he really pushed me to write in a way and lenght that I don’t normally use on my own blog! Thanks again for having me, Beaton!

Check out the post here 👇 and be sure to check out the rest of his blog! It’s awesome!

https://becomingthemuse.wordpress.com/2018/12/14/of-awesome-impact-coffee-with-noloyiso-2018boty/

It’s always so nice to have you here! Have a good week and I’ll see you on Wednesday😘