Activities, Interests, Lifestyle, Looking Forward To, Love & War, my adventures, Prose, Series

Through it all ( Hymn of Love)

My birthday is almost here! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow! Today, I had this song in my heart. It best describes my gratitude for 35 years of unmerited favour:

Through it all by Hillsong Worship

You are forever in my life

You’ve seen me through the seasons

Cover me in your hand

And lead me in your righteousness

And I look to you

And I’ll wait on you

I’ll sing to you, Lord

A hymn of Love

For your faithfulness to me

And I’m carried in everlasting arms

You never let me go

Through it all

Activities, Interests, Love & War, Ramblings, Soul Stuff

Imposter

One day, they’ll call your bluff. They’ll realise you’re not as amazing as you show yourself to be and they’ll fire you, they’ll unfriend you, they’ll leave you.

This is the fear I walk around with every day of my life. Sometimes I think I’m a fraud and I’m the only one who knows it. I’ve covered it up with my smile and my eloquence but they’ll find out the truth one of these days. It’s called imposter’s syndrome: self doubt playing in a loop in your head asking you what right you think you could ever have to be good enough.

So how do you deal with Imposter’s Syndrome, because it is a reality that many of us live with every day. It has helped me to put a name to the thoughts and feelings and not to disregard them, but face them and cope with them. Here are 3 ways I have started.

Trust yourself

In the moments I feel like a fraud, my first instinct is to tell someone what I am trying to do so that that they can affirm that I am in fact innovative and amazing. It’s like I don’t trust myself as a first opinion so I go looking for a second opinion and a third and fourth. Funny enough, I never feel better for long after those consultations. If anything, I find myself needing more of it. So, in the past few days, I’ve stopped. I don’t always get it right, but when that need to ask someone else to affirm me and assure me that I’m doing the right thing, I don’t. I choose, instead to trust what I think is best and put that forward first.

No, you’re not gonna “bounce” this idea off of someone else. You know what you’re doing!

Give yourself credit

Look, there’s nothing wrong with a little outside affirmation sometimes, but it becomes problematic when you need it all the time. It has really taken the edge off for me to give myself some credit in those moments of weakness; to call myself capable and to keep working at it even though I’m a little scared of the outcome.

Don’t overthink it

My mind is a dark dodgy alley I should never walk down on my own. If I allow myself, I will talk myself into a complete panic. I will get lost in the details and wonder why I came up with such a silly idea to start with. I know my tell tell signs of overthinking are and I try to walk away from that dark alley from the get go.

So there you have it! I hope you know that you are not a fraud! You deserve the happiness you have and even the happiness you are hoping for. You belong at that job and no one is going to call your bluff, so keep your head up!

Have an awesome week, dear reader! Until Sunday😘

Activities, Interests, Love & War, Soul Stuff

Awaits

Of all the things I miss about normal life, small unexpected adventures are top of the list.

My friend and I bent the rules last night and drove up a hill near our area. I’ve been meaning to see this view but it always just got lost in the busyness of every day life; the road to hell, am I right? Anyway, lockdown has us slowing right down and it was getting more difficult to maintain the sense of wonder so, I needed this outing.

I guess what, I’m trying to say is that adventures are not so hard to come by, even during lockdown. It might even be right up the road from you😏

am writing, Interests, Lifestyle, Love & War, Soul Stuff

Dear Body

Sometimes I look at you and think, disgusting. Why must you bulge here? Why are there so many dimples there? Why can’t you be clear and without blemish? I wish you were smaller, more defined.Why are you so ugly?

I’m hardest on you. I overfeed you when I am bored, then I complain when you store the excess. I work you till you hurt then I starve you in the name of results. No matter how much you endure, it’s not enough for me.

It’s not your fault. I look at you everyday, and you know what they say about a watched kettle: it never turns into the perfect body.

I need to learn what it looks like to be kind to you, to listen to you, to be gentler toward you, because you are all I have. For better or worse, we are in this together so I must be good to you so we can last as long as possible.

I will do better, I promise you.

Forever Yours