There’s an elephant in the room…
There’s an elephant in the room…
A few weeks ago, Grey’s Anatomy announced that Justin Chambers ( Alex Karev) is leaving the show after 15 years. Following this announcement, and after some personal time of mourning, I was interested to see how he was going to be written out of the show. I was expecting a dramatic and sudden death like they did with George, Lexi and Dereck. Or maybe Alex and Jo would decide to make a fresh start somewhere else, but all of these scenarios have already been [over?] done. Considering all of these possible exits, this one did not occur to me: Alex ghosts us! The truth came out 10 days ago so this doesn’t count as a spoiler, OK?!
Bare with me, I am deeply invested in this show. I’ve seen 90% of all the episodes and this is the 16th season! I watch reruns while I wait for the next season. Some old episodes still make me ugly cry and, don’t judge me, but I may argue with medical facts based on cases I’ve seen on the show! I know it’s all fictional, but many of the previous episodes have triggered me and Alex ghosting Jo was no different.
For those who have been fortunate enough not to experience this, ghosting someone is when you pull a disappearing act on them without any kind of explanation. It’s usually a potential lover, current lover or a current spouse, although friends are known to pull this stunt too. You don’t return texts or calls and your loved one has no idea where you have gone or why. Ghosting has become a norm in our society, especially with the birth of social media. As easily and quickly as we can get in touch with someone no matter the distance, we can just as easily and quickly cut them out of our lives. I don’t know about you, but I find ghosting problematic. Here are 3 of my gripes with this inconsiderate behaviour:
The Unanswered Questions
The lack of clarity is the worst part about ghosting. Whether you are an over thinker like me, or you shrug things off and move on quickly, I’m sure you still wonder. Did you say something wrong? Did you do something wrong? OK, maybe the ghosting wasn’t about you, but what if it actually was about you? What if it happened because you were not good enough? Is this person OK? Were they mugged? Are they dead in the streets? WHAT HAPPENED?! The questions and doubts swim around in your head for an indefinite amount of time until one day, you realise you haven’t been agonising over their disappearance as much anymore. I often wonder why people dont just say they’re out and leave it at that. You’ll still agonise but at least you won’t check your phone or try to reach them. People are strange.
Would you get up and leave the room while someone is talking to you? Would you just keep staring at the person as they go on and on about their thoughts, half acknowledging what they are saying but never responding? Or would you simply put your hand over their mouth to make them stop talking? I bet you’ve never done this to anyone in person, so why do it in virtual reality? Justify it however you like, but ghosting is cruel. It’s mean. It’s dismissive of a person’s relevance,their feelings and their sense of worth.
The Door Left Ajar
Every time someone knocks at her door, Jo runs to answer, hoping it’s Alex – it’s not- and she feels the pain all over again! Has it just been my experience or do ghosters magically reappear one day like nothing happened?! They’ll just say hey, they’ll chat like nothing happened and if you don’t ask, they’ll never answer those questions you had swimming in your head that entire time they were gone and, if everything goes according to their plan, things will go back to normal. I think that’s the whole point of ghosting. It’s like leaving the house with the door ajar because you’re not really leaving the property and you have every intention of coming back. It’s CRAP!! NONSENSE!! POPPYCOCK!! I think it’s unfair to leave people without a word and coming back like you never left. It’s unfair to think they’ve just been sitting around waiting for you to be ready to pick things back up. Stop it.
Anyway, I don’t think it’s clear yet what happened to Alex. But Jo is broken. I don’t think Alex would just disappear like that after so many years of friendship with Grey and after all the things he went through with Jo. It really doesn’t seem like something he would do so, we wait in bated breath for the answers that will give the audience and Jo the closure they need. I’m holding thumbs!
Thank you so much for popping in! It’s always good to have you here! Have an awesome week😘
I was depressed a few years ago. I couldn’t eat. My stomach would grumble in agonising hunger pain and I would cook something good. 3 bites in and I would be done. My stomach would shrink and my body soon followed suite. I went from a size 14 to a size 8! My doctor friend, who was too far away to help at the time, sent me to another doctor friend and here are some of the tips he gave me to try manage my situation before resorting to medication.
I couldn’t eat because I was always ate on my own. All my attention was on the food in front of me and I was fully aware of the pressure I was under to eat. I didn’t like being that thin and I didn’t like living my life in constant hunger. So my friend suggested that I surround myself with people during meals. A distraction of good conversation and laughs during the meal; an eleviation of the pressure that wore me down.
Exercise is said to be good medicine for depression and even insomnia. I’ve always enjoyed being physically active. And those endorphins that are released after a good work out are so real. I drive home after gym feeling cheerful for no real reason!
Focus on the good
For all that there is to complain about, there is often just as much to be grateful for. Despite my situation at the time, I loved my job. I had good friends, a mother that is proud of me and a life I, for the most part, enjoyed. There was plenty to be grateful for every day, no matter how small. Everything was not lost.
Be gentle with yourself.
It’s ok to give up sometimes. It’s ok to abandon the daily demands of adult life, to veg out on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, an endless stream of episodes and nowhere to go. You’re allowed to skip gym, eat all the unhealthy stuff sometimes. You’re allowed to feel sorry for yourself just a little bit. It’s the ebb and flow of life, a wave that you have to go through to get past. Your feelings are real and they are important. Allow yourself those moments, but you must get back up the next day. Do not wollow.
I say this countless times and most days, It’s pretty easy to do. It took a fresh meaning this morning, though because I realised I had fallen into that rabbit hole and have been in it for the past few weeks. You will always fall short if you compare your life to others. Your car won’t be new enough, your house not well furnished enough and your marital status not favourable enough. Stop!
I don’t think it’s about overcoming or trying to “get over” depression. I think what is more important is to find healthy coping mechanisms for depression, even if you are also on medication. It’s about being honest with yourself and to yourself. It develops grit and strength; therein lies the overcoming and seeing better days ahead.
I know I’ve merely scraped the surface of this mental illness and I also know that depression menafests in different ways. If this helps even one person today then, it has fulfilled it’s purpose.
Take courage, dear heart. All is not lost.
It’s nice to have family nearby.
This is the new yellow dress.
In a recent episode of The New Pope, the pope repeatedly shouts “no” in response to the mass killing of innocent people. “No, No, No, No”, he shouts and encourages his audience to join in the chant and I couldn’t help but think of a book I just finished reading for the month of January.
A Stolen life tells the true story of how a girl is kidnapped at the tender age of 11 and is held captive in a room at the back of a house for 18 years – you heard me – she lives in captivity for 18 years! No! She endures 18 years of sexual abuse of the most grotesque kind – No! No! She has 2 children with this man – No! No! No! She meets the man’s wife and they make a life together for those 18 years – No! No! No! No!
Call it a crisis of faith, but I’m finding it more and more difficult to understand how people who do such unspeakable things exist in this world. Yes, hurt people hurt people, but I am outraged by the extent of hurt we inflict on each other as human beings. It’s horrific! No! No! No!
The good news is that she is eventually found and reunited with her mother, sister and aunt. She survived this experience and despite how horrific it was, she is able to find the blessing that came out of her experience. It is taking a great deal of work, but she seems to have come out of it whole and able to make a life out of the circumstances she finds herself in now: still afraid at times, but strong, still living from day to day in some kind of happiness for surviving it all.
If you’re a bookworm and don’t already read these kinds of narratives, then A Stolen life a story for you. It is simply written and very easy to follow. In her writing, Jaycee is still very much that little girl that just wanted to go home to her mom. It is truly a story not only of the injustices of the world but also the will to survive after the most difficult of times.
Thanks for popping in today! It’s always such a pleasure to have you here! Have a beautiful week ahead!
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.
Let me walk upon the water wherever You would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wonder and my faith will be made stronger...
This time last year, I couldn’t find the voice to sing these words. They would literally get stuck in my throat.
It isn’t God I don’t trust in all situations, it’s me. Trying to survive a storm gets messy. I rage against the world, the people around me, God. I’m less patient than normal and I’m certainly not grateful that this is for my ultimate good. If I had it my way, I would avoid the storms, to be honest, and I wish God would cut me some slack. It’s not pretty and I sit in the shame of that fact the entire time. But, whether we are willing to go through it to get through it or not, the storms still come, we stumble through the mess land the other side, sometimes in shambles.
The good news is that the thorn was eventually removed and I’m experiencing some relief. Life isn’t necessarily what I’d like it to be now, but I must say that I am stronger now because of the storm. This morning, this song came up on the projector and I belted it out! I felt no dread or resentment for what may or not lie ahead or what I had been through already. Yes, the storms seem unbearable at the time, but it feels good to be on the other side of it, still intact and better. And that is the beautiful ebb and flow of life: no matter how bad things get, it will pass and you will get to the other side; you will survive. I hope you remember that no matter what is going on in your life. Hang in there!
Thank you so much for popping in! Its always a pleasure to have you here! Have a beautiful week ahead, erbody!