Activities, Interests, Lifestyle, Love & War, my adventures

3 Things I Hate About Adulting

I think back to when I was a teenager. My mom and I would talk about what kind of adult I would be: where I would live, how many kids I’d have etc. I imagine that poor woman laughed at all my musings because she knew, as all adults know, how complicated adult life can actually get. I’ve been thinking lately about adjusting and how life turned out completely differently to how I expected. Here are 3 adulting pet peeves I’ve picked up along the way.

The Errands

My biggest accomplishments over weekends usually involve some kind of adult errand that I couldn’t get to during the week! Of course, I do some adult fun stuff too but the fun: responsibility ratio is definitely 2:4. This past midterm break was the first break that I felt like I didn’t actually spend resting because of the errands I had to run ( to be fair, I had postponed the one for a year). I can’t remember the last time I woke up on a Saturday or holiday and had nowhere to be and nothing that had to be done that day. Adulting comes with so many expectations and people you “should not” disappoint. Speaking of things that should be:

The Suppose To Bes

I think adults all live vicariously through each other, mostly because of what they hoped to and didn’t get to accomplish. Adults look at your life and tell you you should be travelling more, buying property or making babies. In my 20s, it was OK that I was childless and unattached but now, in my 30s, adults who walk ahead of me in adulthood scratch their heads and say, “yeah, it’s time now”.

I think it’s all projections of where they are or where they wish they were. I have family members who had kids “late” and worry that I will struggle to raise my future kids if I wait any longer. My friend jokingly told me that a plus one would be assigned to me if I did not bring one to his wedding at the end of March. I get it and I do it too: I edit people’s lives as a way of rectifying or reliving my own life. Sometimes I see the potential mistakes those that walk behind me are making and I try to lead in the right direction, but the truth is, nobody actually asked me for advice and I don’t know that they may actually be making better decisions than I ever made at their age. It’s also a lot of pressure for the person in the shoes, because you understand the good things about your life and you also understand the yearnings for that which you don’t have yet. Most importantly, you can work through your feelings about it all the older you get. While advice is needed sometimes, it’s also ok to understand that one’s life doesn’t need to look like any of the should bes in order to be a good life.

The Decisions

Sometimes I wish someone would step into my life and actually make the decisions I am too afraid to make. I wish they would make all the difficult decisions for me so I dont have to deal with the stress of it all. Adult decisions are scary. What if you make the wrong financial decision and end up in debt? What if you play it safe and take no risks resulting in a life void of adventure? What if you go on that adventure and something bad happens?! I’m hyperventilating at all the possibilities!

Don’t panic, though! Adulting can be a bit of a balancing act, that’s for sure, but it can be a lot of fun too. I’ve learned that it’s ok to let go sometimes and have a little fun. I’ve learned that some things are for you, are still coming for you or will not come, and that’s OK. Sometimes it’s ok to take the day off for yourself and pick it all back up the next day. It’s really not the end of the world. In the adult world, you have to take the good in with the bad. Things have a strange way of working themselves out for your good in the end.

So clearly I don’t have any answers for you. There is no epiphany about how to make a good life to yourself. Sift through the advice, take in what you want and throw out the rest and you may just survive the world of adults more or less in one piece.

Activities, Interests, Lifestyle, Series

Reflections: Integrity

A birthday is usually the most important day in one’s life. The 6-week journey and build up to Noloyiso’s Birthday was such an enjoyable and interesting read.

Life is meant to be celebrated and every day is a journey. On 8 June 2019, my friend celebrated her 34th birthday and her blog post on this auspicious day sparked my interest. This year, Noloyiso has developed so much. She has become a young lady who realised that “adulting ” is a tough job!

“Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same things!” This line is something that I try to live by all the time. The word is INTEGRITY.

I believe that this is a characteristic that sticks with one ’till the end of time! It is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. In this day and age, integrity is the most difficult quality to maintain.

The society we live in questions and tests our integrity all the time. We are faced with moral dilemmas every day. In South Africa, even our leaders don’t help in showing us that uprighteous living is so important. Our children think it is ok to cheat, to bribe or bully other learners for homework, money, etc. I am a teacher and my integrity is always in limbo. However, it is something I have to stick to all the time, no matter how difficult.

Sometimes I almost feel hypocritical. What I say at school is so different than what happens at home. I sometimes insist and give good advice to learners at school. I ask them to behave appropriately, have 8 hrs of sleep, complete homework on Friday and eat nutritious meals. My biological children don’t listen to these instructions. Homework is done on a Sunday night, 2 hrs of sleep on a Friday and Saturday is sufficient because of Fortnite or YouTube or movies. Pizza and burgers are meals that go down well too. My integrity, even though so small in these instances, is called into question.

However, I have realised in all of this that as long as moral principles are maintained in being good and doing good, then that is all that matters. Living your best life definitely means that doing what is right will be remembered to the end of time.

Viloshini is a Johannesburg based Drama teacher who loves reading, listening to music and living every day with positivity and laughter.

Activities, Guest Blogging, Interests, Series, Uncategorized

Reflections: Friendship

20181120_220938_00001205812956532960208.png

Friendships can be a fickle thing. As humans, we thrive on social connections. Unfortunately, not all friendships are as strong as we’d hope them to be. Some of us spend years cultivating that special bond we should share with our friends. Others meet on a whim and become lifelong buddies. I often find myself feeling like that friend you only talk to when you need something, as painful as it is to admit. I spend so much time giving and being there for my “friends” and more often than not, that’s all I am. I grew up in a semi large family, most of which I do not know and those I do know, saying that we aren’t that close. As a result, I tend to treat my friends like family yet I always find myself asking if this person is really in it for the love of friendship, or for what they stand to gain from having me as a friend.

I am not a confrontational being which often means when problems arise in said friendship; I usually don’t address it, this often leaves me feeling taken advantage of and or resentful that I don’t speak up more.

In the 21st century, loyalty is rare and good friendships even more so. As such, I always ask myself what we even know about the meaning of real friendship! And how does one break the barrier of continuously choosing the wrong friends, when no is really interested in keeping that bond sacred?

Tamiqua Martin is fresh outa high school! She loves photography, writing, reading and psychology. She’s an easy going adventurer whose world is her oyster!

Uncategorized

Merry Christmas

Hey Everyone!

It’s almost Christmas!! It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Well, so I thought when I was younger and much more optimistic about, well, life in general.

Sometimes I read my old old blog posts and I wonder what happened to me. I was so full of hope and promise. I was so vibrant and so many things lay ahead of me. I miss that girl, and often wonder if she would have held on to all her sense of wonder had she avoided the unnecessary hardships life had in store for her…

I’ve been thinking about depression a lot later. They say that the festive season is peak time for it and I’ve been wondering why. I dare not speak about anyone else’s experiences except my own so I’ve been in retrospect, looking at why I find myself down during the festive season.

It took me longer than it should have to book my ticket and to pack my bag for the trip home this year. I dreaded every bit of the journey because it has become tedious. I also dreaded a lot of what was waiting for me here. The raised eyebrows at my lack of a baby bump or ring on my finger for example. Over the years, they no longer actually ask, but the expectant looks still speak volumes. Sometimes the family’s disappointment at my empty handed arrival is enough to make me want to fly away and stay away.

When I was younger, I looked forward to an awesome adulthood! I would have a a great job, a beautiful house, a husband who adored me and the coolest children in the universe! I had no idea how any of this would happen. I figured it would all fall into place, just like that!

But adutling has taught me differently over the last few years. I’ve learned that relationships are really difficult, sometimes, impossible. I’ve learned that some things in life are not as simple as ticking a box. They, in fact, require faith and waiting and saying no a lot and, sometimes rudely, in order to know peace of mind. I’ve learned that nobody but you is going to protect you..

Despite how my life seems to have plateaued, I still look forward to Christmas with my family. This is one of the few little corners in the world where I feel like I belong and I am loved and cherished! I would not give my people away for anything!

And so my prayer for you this Christmas is that you have that same corner where you are loved and treasured! May you feel overwhelming love this Christmas, a love that elates you.

Thank you so much for popping in! You know how much I love having you here. Have a beautiful day! We’ll chat on Wednesday😘

am writing, Love & War, Soul Stuff

Diamond

Happy Humpday, Dear Readers!

It’s always good to have you here. I hope you have had a good week so far!

November is just flying by and soon it will be 31 days of Saturdays: December! I cannot wait for sun and family and mommy food and endless days! Until that glorious time, yours truly is up to her ears in work so I’m going to keep today’s post short😉

I heard a beautiful saying yesterday and thought I should encourage everybody today:

No matter what flaws you believe you have, remember that therein lies your beauty. Your flaws enhance you and make you all the more dazzling! You are worth knowing and worth having in this world so keep going!!

Thank you for dropping by! Please share any encouraging quotes you have heard this week. I would love to hear from you! I’m sorry I couldn’t stay longer but I call my posts short and sweet for a reason😉 have an awesome week! We’ll talk again on Sunday😘

am writing, Love & War, Prose, Ramblings

Forward

Happy Sunday erbody!

How’s the weather in your corner of the world? It’s been raining in Joburg since last night. It’s the perfect weather for staying cooped up in bed with a good book, a stew on the stove while in the arms of a bearded Nubian King! Wow! That escelated so quickly😂

Today I’d like to share what vaguely resembles poetry, but prefer calling prose… I’ve learned this week that moving on and getting over is dependant on me and not always on outside factors. I tend to play victim a great deal of the time to excuse my own holding on…

Anyway! Here you go! Enjoy the read!

So we’ve been sitting here.

Hunched over this mess,

throwing blame back and forth as though in a tennis match.

I’m tired.

Of sitting.

Of wallowing.

Of spewing accusations at you and wiping upthrown bile from my own face.

I’m moving forward.

You’re welcome to move with me.

Or you can stay behind and wallow on your own.

As always, I appreciating your dropping by for my posts! Your support means the world to me! Have a beautiful week! I’ll see you on Wednesday😘

am writing, Prose, Ramblings, Soul Stuff

Intruders

Happy Sundays Everyone!

What a stressful week! But it’s over and it came with its rewards! I hope yours had some colour in it too🙂 Anyway, let’s get to the day’s topic!

It’s official: I am in love with South African literature❤ I especially love, Mohale Mashigo. I wrote about her debut novel, The Yearning almost a year ago. Come to think of it, I didn’t do that post justice! I adored the novel so much that I gave my copy away to a colleague I met- Bittersweet because I want to revisit that story, but I digress! Mashigo recently released a collection of short stories titled Intruders.

I seldom read more than one novel by any author, but Mashigo has stolen my heart! Her writing is alluring, her stories intriguing and her characters, all people I’d like to call my friends.

In this particular collection, she introduces the reader to a genre of literature called Afrofuturism. She, however expresses a need to tell stories that lie somewhere between a dystopian and a utopian future Africa. She explains it much more eloquently in her notes before delving into these different worlds where everything is familiar in its South African contexts but with completely different, sometimes supernatural and sometimes strange features.

That’s how she has me hanging on her every word in every story of this collection of short stories! I found myself eagerly turning the page and the next story in anticipation for how each tale will unfold all the while dreading (because short stories always tend to be too short) the end which comes all too quickly!

In a nutshell! I’m loving this novel! I’m not done yet, bu I look forward to the rest of it! Find it and give it a try!

Well, that’s all I had to share today! I’m praying for a warrior mentality this week! I hope you too resolve to reach your goals and not to surrender!

Thanks for popping in and have an awesome week, my friendlies😘