Merry Christmas

Hey Everyone!

It’s almost Christmas!! It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Well, so I thought when I was younger and much more optimistic about, well, life in general.

Sometimes I read my old old blog posts and I wonder what happened to me. I was so full of hope and promise. I was so vibrant and so many things lay ahead of me. I miss that girl, and often wonder if she would have held on to all her sense of wonder had she avoided the unnecessary hardships life had in store for her…

I’ve been thinking about depression a lot later. They say that the festive season is peak time for it and I’ve been wondering why. I dare not speak about anyone else’s experiences except my own so I’ve been in retrospect, looking at why I find myself down during the festive season.

It took me longer than it should have to book my ticket and to pack my bag for the trip home this year. I dreaded every bit of the journey because it has become tedious. I also dreaded a lot of what was waiting for me here. The raised eyebrows at my lack of a baby bump or ring on my finger for example. Over the years, they no longer actually ask, but the expectant looks still speak volumes. Sometimes the family’s disappointment at my empty handed arrival is enough to make me want to fly away and stay away.

When I was younger, I looked forward to an awesome adulthood! I would have a a great job, a beautiful house, a husband who adored me and the coolest children in the universe! I had no idea how any of this would happen. I figured it would all fall into place, just like that!

But adutling has taught me differently over the last few years. I’ve learned that relationships are really difficult, sometimes, impossible. I’ve learned that some things in life are not as simple as ticking a box. They, in fact, require faith and waiting and saying no a lot and, sometimes rudely, in order to know peace of mind. I’ve learned that nobody but you is going to protect you..

Despite how my life seems to have plateaued, I still look forward to Christmas with my family. This is one of the few little corners in the world where I feel like I belong and I am loved and cherished! I would not give my people away for anything!

And so my prayer for you this Christmas is that you have that same corner where you are loved and treasured! May you feel overwhelming love this Christmas, a love that elates you.

Thank you so much for popping in! You know how much I love having you here. Have a beautiful day! We’ll chat on Wednesday😘

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I Kill Giants

Hey Everyone! It’s the beginning of yet another week! I hope you’re well!

This past week has been difficult. A good friend of mine suffered a loss this week that saddened us all. Life is fragile and shorter than we would like it to be…

All things that live in this world die. This is why you must find joy in living while the time is yours and not fear the end. To deny this is to deny life – but to embrace it. Can you embrace it? You are stronger than you think…

So there’s this film I watched last night called I Kill Giants. Babara, an 11 year old imaginative girl sees herself as the protector of her little town from giants. She is the only one who sees them and the only one equipped to fight them. It took a while for me to see that these were not in fact real giants, ( although my inner child hoped they were!) but really, a metaphor for the challenges we face in our lives.

We are all familiar with hardships. Besides my friend’s loss, my week was filled with many tears and anxiety and self-doubt. It happens from time to time. Life is not always smooth sailing. I’m often faced with my own giants and I get scared. I go into victim mode and shake my fist at the world for the injustices I experience. Of course, this is not the healthiest way to cope and so far, I don’t quite know how to get through those difficult times. Everything in my life that normally makes me happy is useless at dragging me out of that dark place. Maybe I need to change my outlook about that – I don’t know for sure. What I do know for sure is that the storms always pass – always.

There are times where you have to ask yourself. Do I want to live my life as a coward or a warrior. Decide.

I hope that, no matter what giant you face in your life right now, you know that you are stronger than you think. I hope you hold you head up and find the warrior in you. You can do this. You are doing this.

Thank you so much for dropping by! I have some very exciting news to share on Wednesday so please come again! Have a beautiful week 😘

Be not Proud

Evening Everyone.

I hope you are having a good week.

I am very saddened to hear of the passing of one of South Africa’s great hip hop artists, HHP. Depression is becoming more and more of a concern in our country and it is becoming of greater importance to talk about it so that we may have a better understanding of it and can be of better assistance to those around us…

I can’t say I have struggled with depression myself, not to the extent of suicidal thoughts anyway, and I hope that if you are or have been in those shoes, you would seek help. Whether you believe it or not, your life is more important than pride and trying to brave through the pain.

Thank you for popping in. I appreciate your presence here. Take care of yourselves and those that you love, please😘

Faith

To be honest, I have no answers. 

I don’t know why this keeps happening.

 I won’t always be able to avoid it,

Nor will I always recover smoothly.

But I am to have faith

Maybe not for another chance (another chance will not come)

Maybe I am to have faith that I will smile straight from my heart again.

Maybe that is the answer

But… I have no answers…