Activities, Interests, Lifestyle, Love & War, Soul Stuff

3 Gripes With Ghosting

A few weeks ago, Grey’s Anatomy announced that Justin Chambers ( Alex Karev) is leaving the show after 15 years. Following this announcement, and after some personal time of mourning, I was interested to see how he was going to be written out of the show. I was expecting a dramatic and sudden death like they did with George, Lexi and Dereck. Or maybe Alex and Jo would decide to make a fresh start somewhere else, but all of these scenarios have already been [over?] done. Considering all of these possible exits, this one did not occur to me: Alex ghosts us! The truth came out 10 days ago so this doesn’t count as a spoiler, OK?!

Bare with me, I am deeply invested in this show. I’ve seen 90% of all the episodes and this is the 16th season! I watch reruns while I wait for the next season. Some old episodes still make me ugly cry and, don’t judge me, but I may argue with medical facts based on cases I’ve seen on the show! I know it’s all fictional, but many of the previous episodes have triggered me and Alex ghosting Jo was no different.

For those who have been fortunate enough not to experience this, ghosting someone is when you pull a disappearing act on them without any kind of explanation. It’s usually a potential lover, current lover or a current spouse, although friends are known to pull this stunt too. You don’t return texts or calls and your loved one has no idea where you have gone or why. Ghosting has become a norm in our society, especially with the birth of social media. As easily and quickly as we can get in touch with someone no matter the distance, we can just as easily and quickly cut them out of our lives. I don’t know about you, but I find ghosting problematic. Here are 3 of my gripes with this inconsiderate behaviour:

The Unanswered Questions

The lack of clarity is the worst part about ghosting. Whether you are an over thinker like me, or you shrug things off and move on quickly, I’m sure you still wonder. Did you say something wrong? Did you do something wrong? OK, maybe the ghosting wasn’t about you, but what if it actually was about you? What if it happened because you were not good enough? Is this person OK? Were they mugged? Are they dead in the streets? WHAT HAPPENED?! The questions and doubts swim around in your head for an indefinite amount of time until one day, you realise you haven’t been agonising over their disappearance as much anymore. I often wonder why people dont just say they’re out and leave it at that. You’ll still agonise but at least you won’t check your phone or try to reach them. People are strange.

The Cruelty

Would you get up and leave the room while someone is talking to you? Would you just keep staring at the person as they go on and on about their thoughts, half acknowledging what they are saying but never responding? Or would you simply put your hand over their mouth to make them stop talking? I bet you’ve never done this to anyone in person, so why do it in virtual reality? Justify it however you like, but ghosting is cruel. It’s mean. It’s dismissive of a person’s relevance,their feelings and their sense of worth.

The Door Left Ajar

Every time someone knocks at her door, Jo runs to answer, hoping it’s Alex – it’s not- and she feels the pain all over again! Has it just been my experience or do ghosters magically reappear one day like nothing happened?! They’ll just say hey, they’ll chat like nothing happened and if you don’t ask, they’ll never answer those questions you had swimming in your head that entire time they were gone and, if everything goes according to their plan, things will go back to normal. I think that’s the whole point of ghosting. It’s like leaving the house with the door ajar because you’re not really leaving the property and you have every intention of coming back. It’s CRAP!! NONSENSE!! POPPYCOCK!! I think it’s unfair to leave people without a word and coming back like you never left. It’s unfair to think they’ve just been sitting around waiting for you to be ready to pick things back up. Stop it.

Anyway, I don’t think it’s clear yet what happened to Alex. But Jo is broken. I don’t think Alex would just disappear like that after so many years of friendship with Grey and after all the things he went through with Jo. It really doesn’t seem like something he would do so, we wait in bated breath for the answers that will give the audience and Jo the closure they need. I’m holding thumbs!

Thank you so much for popping in! It’s always good to have you here! Have an awesome week😘

am writing, Love & War, Ramblings, Soul Stuff

3 Things Rejected People Don’t Want to Hear

Happy Humpday everyone!

If you are a human being, you’ve probably been rejected at some point in your life. And since we all click on the “I am not a robot” button, you know what I am talking about.

Rejection stings, no, it hurts and it’s very difficult to deal with. Though over time, we can look back on our experiences and laugh, during the process of recovery, the situation seems hopeless. The questions are endless and you are certain that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. This is me at the moment: I am in mourning and though I know the truth is I will get over this, it feels pretty bleak at the moment.

Of course, the bad comes with the good. None of us are completely unloved. None of us can say with any certainty that nobody sees any good in us. And so, my dear friends have huddled around me to remind me that I am worthy. I do find certain phrases rather unhelpful though. So here are the 3 things I think rejected people don’t need to hear while in the thick of the mourning

This wasn’t a great idea

This is not the best thing to say to a rejected person. Very few repeatedly rejected people want to hear how stupid what they did was. They don’t want to hear that they should have seen it coming. Believe me, part of the mourning period involves self-blame. We do the best we can to avoid as much damage to ourselves that we can, most of the time anyway. Hearing that you effed up yet again while that is the conversation you are already having with yourself does not help.

You deserve better

“But you’re so amazing!” they say, “who would reject all of this?!” Well, some of us have a track record of rejections, trust me! In most cases, people have a humble, positive opinion about themselves. Thinking that you deserve better eventually leads to the question of why better has perpetually not happened?! Enter, the overthinker and consequent sadness and the black abyss of endless hopelessness. It gets pretty depressing after that.

Maybe you should… In future

Ok, listen. If adulting has taught me anything, it is this: you can do it all right. You can make all the healthy decisions, keep your eyes peeled for all the signs and do everything to prepare and even avoid the storms, but they come anyway and render you shipwrecked anyway! Life can be cynical despite your defenses. That’s the bottom line sometimes.

So there you have it! While we know and acknowledge the well-intended love from those around us, sometimes, all a rejected person wants to hear is, ” Im sorry this happened to you.” Sometimes we just need you to sit with us, maybe cry with us and help is pick ourselves up again.

I know a day will come when, I will wake up in the morning and not feel any weight or the memory of my rejection, until then, it would be great not to hear any of these 3 things.

Thank you all for popping in today. The world is a tough, place. Be kind to one another, please. Have a good week everyone😘

am writing, Prose, Ramblings, Soul Stuff

Focus

You’re that thing I must procrastinate

Put you in the backburner and focus on something else.

Focus on positive vibrations

Trust the process

And soon, my Universe will bring me what’s mine.

am writing, Love & War, music, Nifty Tricks, Prose, Ramblings, Soul Stuff

Look for You

Everywhere, I look for you.

In devotionals and bible verses and beautifully written lyrics, I look for you.

I look for you in music and melodies, in the beat, I look for you.

I look for you in venues and people, in well-cooked meals, I look for you.

I look for you in statuses and views, likes and blocks, I look for you.

Everywhere, in everything, I look for you.

am writing, Love & War, Prose, Ramblings, Soul Stuff

This Way

I wasn’t born this way.

I wasn’t born in pain.