Activities, Interests, Lifestyle, Love & War, my adventures

3 Things I Hate About Adulting

I think back to when I was a teenager. My mom and I would talk about what kind of adult I would be: where I would live, how many kids I’d have etc. I imagine that poor woman laughed at all my musings because she knew, as all adults know, how complicated adult life can actually get. I’ve been thinking lately about adjusting and how life turned out completely differently to how I expected. Here are 3 adulting pet peeves I’ve picked up along the way.

The Errands

My biggest accomplishments over weekends usually involve some kind of adult errand that I couldn’t get to during the week! Of course, I do some adult fun stuff too but the fun: responsibility ratio is definitely 2:4. This past midterm break was the first break that I felt like I didn’t actually spend resting because of the errands I had to run ( to be fair, I had postponed the one for a year). I can’t remember the last time I woke up on a Saturday or holiday and had nowhere to be and nothing that had to be done that day. Adulting comes with so many expectations and people you “should not” disappoint. Speaking of things that should be:

The Suppose To Bes

I think adults all live vicariously through each other, mostly because of what they hoped to and didn’t get to accomplish. Adults look at your life and tell you you should be travelling more, buying property or making babies. In my 20s, it was OK that I was childless and unattached but now, in my 30s, adults who walk ahead of me in adulthood scratch their heads and say, “yeah, it’s time now”.

I think it’s all projections of where they are or where they wish they were. I have family members who had kids “late” and worry that I will struggle to raise my future kids if I wait any longer. My friend jokingly told me that a plus one would be assigned to me if I did not bring one to his wedding at the end of March. I get it and I do it too: I edit people’s lives as a way of rectifying or reliving my own life. Sometimes I see the potential mistakes those that walk behind me are making and I try to lead in the right direction, but the truth is, nobody actually asked me for advice and I don’t know that they may actually be making better decisions than I ever made at their age. It’s also a lot of pressure for the person in the shoes, because you understand the good things about your life and you also understand the yearnings for that which you don’t have yet. Most importantly, you can work through your feelings about it all the older you get. While advice is needed sometimes, it’s also ok to understand that one’s life doesn’t need to look like any of the should bes in order to be a good life.

The Decisions

Sometimes I wish someone would step into my life and actually make the decisions I am too afraid to make. I wish they would make all the difficult decisions for me so I dont have to deal with the stress of it all. Adult decisions are scary. What if you make the wrong financial decision and end up in debt? What if you play it safe and take no risks resulting in a life void of adventure? What if you go on that adventure and something bad happens?! I’m hyperventilating at all the possibilities!

Don’t panic, though! Adulting can be a bit of a balancing act, that’s for sure, but it can be a lot of fun too. I’ve learned that it’s ok to let go sometimes and have a little fun. I’ve learned that some things are for you, are still coming for you or will not come, and that’s OK. Sometimes it’s ok to take the day off for yourself and pick it all back up the next day. It’s really not the end of the world. In the adult world, you have to take the good in with the bad. Things have a strange way of working themselves out for your good in the end.

So clearly I don’t have any answers for you. There is no epiphany about how to make a good life to yourself. Sift through the advice, take in what you want and throw out the rest and you may just survive the world of adults more or less in one piece.

Interests, Lifestyle, Series, Soul Stuff

Reflections: Babies or No Babies


The choice not to procreate is rarely discussed. Maybe it is because most people are so sure that they want children. For most, procreating is a natural part of life and it wouldn’t make sense not to want kids.

I have a similar view on motherhood and have chosen not to have children for now. Much like Noloyiso’s views on Baby Mama, I am open to having children but also realise that this may not be the natural path for my life.

My personal view is that one should plan accordingly before making the decision to have kids. This begins with the person you procreate with down to having the resources to raise a child. Ask any parent and none of them will tell you that parenthood is easy. It is easily the most difficult yet rewarding thing that you will probably do in your life.

People and society need to remember that we are all allowed the choice of motherhood but, also, not to choose it. I’m sure all the “when are you having a baby questions” are coming from a good place however, people need to learn to exercise caution with these questions. They also need to refrain from asking these questions when they are not close to that man or woman.

Personally, I will always like to look back on this post when I reflect on my decision not to have kids in my 20s. Per the article, I am broody but reserve my right to have children only when I am ready to do so.

In 2020, may all women make decisions that are right for them!

am writing, Prose, Ramblings, Soul Stuff

Better Than Me

No one knows how to lift my spirits better than me.Just put me behind the wheel and give me an adventure to embark on.

No one knows how to make my heart flutter better than me. Play me something beautiful, progressions with minors and husky voices and words that sing what I feel.

No one takes care of me better than me. Give me my matchbox flat, flavours to mix in a pot that nourish my belly and my soul.

No one calms me better than me. Make the room quiet and leave me to my own devices.

No one knows me better than me and no one loves me better than me because I’m all I’ve got…

Love & War, Prose, Ramblings, Soul Stuff

Rain

The miserable grey clouds have cacooned us in their layers of misery and send downpours onto our heads and roofs. The rain seeps into our shoes and dampens our feet. It finds cracks on our roof tops and trickles down the walls forming a puddle on the the carpet -the pitter-patter is a persistant song.

At first the downpour was a welcomed relief from the heat. But now everything is wet. Out feet, our clothes, our car seats that catch drops when we hastily climb in and out. Where is the sun?!

It is up there, hovering just above the thick blanket. It is slowly penetrating the glass sealing from the outside and soon we will see its rays and feel its warmth on our faces. There is hope…

Love & War, Ramblings, Soul Stuff

The Lull

The price she pays for peace of mind is silence; a lull during which there are no ripples in the water, it is quiet; not a breath of wind or movement. She’s at a loss during those times. She longs for the bustle of activity, chatter and laughter, arguments or  something! “How do you do it though?!” She has been asked. She doesn’t know how to answer that. But such times are to be enjoyed. She is learning to give her energy to the trivial things; not the detrimental trivia but the reading and cleaning and organising and re-organising as she awaits the next activities. She thinks that is the trick to living in the lull – not to try to survive the lull, but to own the moment as though she chose it.

Love & War, Prose, Ramblings, Soul Stuff

Faith

She threw her toys out of the cot. She screamed and cried like a spoilt brat. What did all that wait talk mean now when it seemed so impossible? What she saw in her review mirror was evidence of her dillusions. But did He not say, “wait, and I’ll come through for you”? Did He not confirm that the answer is “Yes!”? Now it seems to be more immovable than a mountain and her faith smaller than the smallest mustard seed. Those words whispered in the secret, quiet place seem now to be the mumbles of a mad woman, desperate to have her way. She was so sure they were the words  of the most faithful and steadfast, prayer answering God.Faith is not an easy thing. But Faith works in the realm of the impossible.

Love & War, Prose, Ramblings, Soul Stuff

Hoarder

She has suitcases full of clothes; scarves she folds and refolds and saves for the coldest winter day,that dress she will wear when the weather is just right, those cute shoes that just need a fresh coat of polish or glue to hold them together. There is a box full of… stuff; gift bags she swears she will reuse, a little floormat that she will lay out -one day; a washing basket – she’s sure she can use that for something. But all that stuff, like people, has taken up too much space in her vacuum. The suitecases are spilling over and the boxes just make the room look clustered. She doesn’t wear those scarves and that dress is just not her anymore. She is changing, morfing, evolving, and that’s ok. Change comes and change is necessary…